当我在我的丈夫分手后，我开始与老虎机的参与。我有其他行为上瘾。贪食症和食物成瘾，糖和锻炼，当我早期的二十多个人以及爱情成瘾和依赖关系的悠久历史。从长大的年度上，有很多痛苦和未解决的耻辱和内疚。当我在我的十几岁时，我的父亲死于癌症，我用大麻用法隐藏了痛苦。我在几十年内尝试了这么多次咨询，以治愈并解决这些问题，感受和问题。我迈出了一条朝着大学治愈的途径，采取一些心理学课程，让我在理解家庭动态等中，以基督徒的焦点和花费大量的时间，因为孩子给了我对我相信帮助我的灵魂的联系多年来生存。我祈祷并练习感激，善良等。我也一直渴望专注于健康和存在。所以，我一直试图保持我的健康，我可以在我从事插槽区域成瘾的13年中。 Yet, my health did suffer tremendously. I entered a casino against my best judgement when a boyfriend finally convinced me to try out slots and only take $20. I have always been frugal, extremely frugal and saved my money easily so this first loss of $20 was not easy to swallow. It was another time after that when I won $80 that I became slighted interested in exploring. One day when I was very upset because my boyfriend was with another woman. I went to the casino and found that it numbed me. It was something to do in a very small sleepy town. I was lonely hurting person with years of guilt and shame under my skin. This guilt and shame compounded with the choices of who to love. Long story short. I left the casino when my $20 or so was exhausted and headed to the bank’s ATM to extract $500. I went back to the casino and played for hours, losing it all. From that point, I went on to be involved with slots for 13 years and must have lost between 50 and 100 thousand dollars. My recovery journey started around 5 years ago by calling a hotline and finding some Internet groups. If I had not found any help or hope I believe that I easily could have died, either took my life or died of a heart attack as I ended up needing to take herbal medicine for 2 years to finally calm my heart. I’ve had countless horrifying and dangerous experiences due to my addiction to slots. It’s been a long journey but I keep getting up and dusting myself off and trying again. Every bit of help I found along the way. Every time I tried again, I did get a little bit ahead in my recovery and learned from my own and other’s stories. My belief is that if we keep on trying and never give up we will build something stronger than this addiction in our lives and that something that we build will be something that we do not want to lose. Gambling addiction will cause us to lose everything. Each time I regained my sanity it strengthened my appreciation for well-being. Each time I spent the pay from the job that I finally secured, the act of losing my pay became so ridiculously absurd that I had to get stronger or lose that sanity I spoke of and the money. I need to see and have something concrete for all my hard work. I began to see how my relationships were suffering due to me being sick, tired, depressed, nervous and all the other symptoms of addictive engagement with the slot zone and losses. These relationships started to become deeper and more dear, also healthier over time. I did not and do not want to lose my connections. I started to feel self respect and respect from others and compared to the self loathing I felt after the casino visit… there is no comparison. I began to cherish the good feelings. Because I ended up being a binge gambler; although I lost a lot, the gaps in playing (of months or weeks) allowed me to see what life could be like. Ultimately, I had to choose. Really, for a person like me who is not really a gambler by nature but someone who was addicted to the zone that slot play was designed to create while draining all our reachable funds, it was like choosing life or death. Once I had the awareness of the industry and had heard countless stories of others like me. I knew that I did have a choice and was not simply ADDICTED IN THE DARK!!!!!!!!!!! I’m choosing life. I’m still here on the recovery journey. It’s not always easy but it’s better than being the walking dead. I’ve tried many diverse resources that aim to help with gambling and talked to countless people. Each bit of help DID help. Any bit of recovery adds up over time if we keep getting up dusting ourselves off and begin again. So, I see recovery as an additive process. Recovery accumulates and does not go away if we continue to try.